In our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either.

The true Southern watermelon is a boon apart, and not to be mentioned with common things. It is chief of this world’s luxuries, king by the grace of God over all the fruits of the earth. When one has tasted it, he knows what the angels eat. It was not a Southern watermelon that Eve

It was the schoolboy who said, “Faith is believing what you know ain’t so.”

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Let us be thankful for the fools; but for them the rest of us could not succeed.

On July 4th: Statistics show that we lose more fools on this day than on all the other days of the year put together. This proves, by the number left in stock, that one Fourth of July per year is now inadequate, the country has grown so.

Never run after your own hat – others will be delighted to do it; why spoil their fun?

It takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you: the one to slander you, and the other to bring the news to you.

It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during the school term.

Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; the cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.