The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

What two ideas are more inseparable than beer and Britannia?

When you consider how many millions of workdays begin with hangovers great and small, it is mildly surprising to find how few real descriptions of the experience our literature can boast.

Malt does more than Milton can, To justify God’s ways to man.

[Possible reason for his success] I’m still drinking.

The sway of alcohol over mankind is unquestionably due to its power to stimulate the mystical faculties of human nature, usually crushed to earth by the cold facts and dry criticisms of the sober hour. Sobriety diminishes, discriminates, and says no; drunkenness expands, unites and says yes.

The habit of intemperance by men in office has occasioned more injury to the public, and more trouble to me, than all other causes; and, were I to commence my administration again, the first question I would ask respecting a candidate for office, would be, Does he use ardent spirits?

One of the disadvantages of wine is that it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.

On the name of her hangover cure: People kind of universally have a negative reaction to it. They think of Hootie & the Blowfish. Or blowing chunks. There’s also the poisonous sushi, so people tend to think, “Blowfish, that’s a weird name.” But people remember it.